Boundaries

A boundary is not a demand that someone change their behavior. It is not a rule you impose on another person.

A boundary is a choice you make about how you will respond to what happens in your life.

This distinction changed everything for me.

There were times when I thought setting a boundary meant telling my man what he could and couldn’t do, expecting him to respect it, and feeling hurt when he didn’t. But that wasn’t a boundary—that was control.

I used to think, he needs to stop this thing! But that’s not a boundary, that’s a rule. A boundary is: If he does this, I will choose to step away from the situation.

A boundary isn’t “You can’t talk to me like that!”

A boundary is “If you choose to speak to me like that, I will leave the conversation.”

A boundary isn’t “You need to stop drinking around me.”

A boundary is “If you are drinking, I will remove myself from the space.”

A boundary isn’t “You can’t keep calling at 2am like this.”

A boundary is “I won’t answer my phone/ texts or receive visitors past dinner because I have a serious nighttime beauty routine that I absolutely stick to.”

And so on…

This is the part a lot of people struggle with—boundaries are not for other people. They are for you.

You don’t need to announce them.

You don’t need to get approval.

You don’t even need the other person to agree.

Boundaries don’t control others; they are about how you choose to respond.

When I finally understood this, my whole experience changed.

I didn’t argue. I didn’t try to convince. I just began living my boundaries. I still have a ways to go in putting this into practice, but I've begun walking the path.

My partner and others didn’t instantly change, necessarily. But that wasn’t the point. I wasn’t dependent on them doing or not doing something in order for me to have my peace. That’s what truly shifted.

That’s what a true boundary does.

I am familiar with the fears that can come up when you start choosing yourself. What if they get angry? What if they shut down? What if they project onto me and blame me, and hold a grudge and never speak to me again?

Old Pattern: Set a boundary → they resist → You feel guilty → You backtrack → they learn they can push your boundaries. You fear that enforcing boundaries will sour your Twin Flame Union/ other relationships and just make you lose trust in yourself.

But here’s what I’ve learned: If someone truly belongs in your life, they will rise to meet you when you have boundaries.

Your New Approach: No more warnings, negotiations, or back-and-forth. You just live your boundaries. You are not responsible for what they choose to do. You aren’t dependent on anyone else to do something/ not do something in order for you to live your peace.

When it comes to your Twin Flame, then your strength in valuing yourself will only call them to vibrate at the higher level of your Harmonious Twin Flame Union. Because that's what you are doing when you value yourself.

So if you’re struggling with boundaries right now, I want to invite you to sit with this:

What is one thing you’ve been tolerating that you no longer want to allow in your life?

And then I want you to ask yourself:

What would happen if you made a new choice this time, for you?

You don’t have to have it all figured out today. Just one step. One moment where you choose yourself instead of choosing fear.

Because you are not weak.

You are not powerless.

And you are not stuck.

-Source